Albert Brooks, "Daddy's Christmas" (1974)
Once upon a time, Albert Brooks was the younger, hipper, West Coast edition of Woody Allen. Brooks never got that famous, and he's certainly not been as prolific (six films in forty-or-so years, not counting his more frequent acting gigs), but then, he never married his stepdaughter, either. Nearly lost to history, sadly, are the comedy records Brooks made early in his career. Both were brilliant, and neither has been reissued on CD. "Daddy's Christmas," released only on 45, is even more obscure - and more twisted. Every holiday season, one of my favorite moments is hearing Brooks invoke this deathless bit of wisdom during his bedtime dialogue with an unsuspecting young actor, "Honey, sometimes I wonder if through sheer stupidity children aren't just as smart as any grownup."

MP3, 4.5 MB (ripped from vinyl)

Cheap Trick, Christmas Christmas (1996)
Recorded in 1995, this song was ultimately released in 1996 on Gift, a 2-track charity fundraiser available only in Cheap Trick's hometown of Rockford, Illinois. The other track, "Come On Christmas" (modeled on their 1977 song, "Come On Come On") appeared in an extended version on the band's boxed set, Sex America Cheap Trick (1996). But "Christmas Christmas," a manic rave-up merely 1:35 in length, is only available on the Gift EP - which is now pretty goddamn rare.

MP3, 2.3 MB (ripped from CD)

Mike ireland, "Merry Christmas From A Bar" (1997)
Despite glowing reviews, this Kansas City singer/songwriter and his band Holler remain largely unheard - too dark to be revivalists, too traditional to qualify as alternative country. Their 1998 debut, Learning How To Live, featured the tender ballad, "Christmas Past." An early mix of the song had been released by Sub Pop Records as a promo-only single also featuring the otherwise unavailable song "Merry Christmas From A Bar." In fact, Ireland adapted that song from Austinite Michael Hall's "Merry Christmas From Mars," wresting a true country weeper from Hall's weirdo carol.

MP3, 3.2 MB (ripped from CD)

Native Tongue, "Do You Hear What I Hear?" (1983)
One of my all-time fave raves, A Boston Rock Christmas, is an obscure, 12-inch EP notable mainly for the recorded debut of the Del Fuegos. With the exception of that song (included on Ho Ho Ho Spice), none of the tracks has ever appeared on CD. Regardless, all five songs are priceless, including this one. Native Tongue's slouching insouciance and punk clatter perform the perfect deconstruction of Bing Crosby's 1963 query.

MP3, 3.6 MB (ripped from vinyl)

Leon Russell, "Christmas In Chicago" (1972)
Leon Russell penned "Christmas In Chicago" as the b-side to his "Slipping Into Christmas," releasing the single on his Shelter Records in 1972. "Christmas In Chicago" is defensibly the better song - certainly it's the least weird - conforming to a more traditional blues structure and featuring some snappy steel licks. All the same, the eerie a-side slipped up to #4 on the Billboard Christmas chart. Oddly, Russell has never included either song on one of his albums, nor has he licensed them for inclusion elsewhere. DCC Records did, however, release the songs on a promotional CD single to publicize their 1989 reissue of Russell's Shelter catalog.

MP3, 3.6 MB (ripped from CD)